met, not met

 reminder of the weekend's goal, or my goals for last weekend:

1. Have a delicious Italian Meal on Friday with the fantastic Dr. Ahtone.
2. Sing too loudly to music while we drive to OK.
3. Take an Epsom salt bath post competition.
4. Have a blast reconnecting with some throwers I haven't seen in years and years!
5. Not have a migraine.
6. Keep the anxiety in a nice pillow fort.
7. Let go and have fun.
8. Keep my shoulder happy.
9. Keep my knee happy.
10. Just throw.

I missed a couple of these.  There was no tub in our hotel room and I did not sing...had a little trouble with #6 as well....

I had a lovely night with my Dr friend, during which we began to talk about our retirement (HA) and how we will have tiny houses next to one another.  Probably with a 'grocery store' in between us.

I also got to see a few women I haven't seen in so so very long. Terri, Keli, Rosie, Jera.  I wish I was a real writer so I could put into words how it felt to be around these women again.  A lifetime of changes have happened since I have seen them, and there was an odd feeling of nervousness on my part to see them again.  As soon as I saw Terri's face and she looked straight at me, I knew.  Keli too....

It was a bit of a long day, but Johnathan  made sure there was water, great food, beer, and loads fun....and well, good competition too.

As for throwing?  Thankfully there were some great shots of my not so great form.  Really really good to see that.  Not crappy form, just....I could see that I am not doing somethings with my body that I need to do...or that I thought I was doing.  I'm really grateful to Larry Ventress for the photos.

Also watched a video or two... saw some things I am doing well in sheaf...and things I need more of. 

Hit the bar in the corner at 25 with not nearly enough leg...so....yup.

I hate photos and videos of myself, so I often never watch or wait too long to watch. 

So....I have a "game" this weekend and on the 19th...I will stay focused on form.  All I can do.  I also realized how SLOW I have gotten while throwing.  Between the torn up shoulder, the elbow injury last year and the dislocated fibula a few moths ago....I have been throwing from a protective place.  And, well, that's just what it is right now.  I had one final turn on a light hammer when I felt real speed and I thought....yes...that's what's missing.

The verge of chaos....the passion. 

Oh, yeah, there's the answer....Spoke with Terri a little about it.  There is only so much we can spend our time on.  So, I am not spending the time and that's ok.  It has been a long time, because there was a time that throwing was the only thing keeping me sane and safe. 

Am I jealous of the people I see who can?  Hmmm, I thought about this a lot recently, and it isn't jealousy really or envy, it's enviable, but it really is admiration.  I have written before about how I miss being strong or being a good thrower, but if I had to go back to the place I was before in order to throw how I "used to;" I would chose to throw mediocre and even crappy for the rest of my days.

Pain brought me more chaos than I ever want to see again...and this love I work on now, well....ya can't measure that in feet or inches.