gears

Well....yesterday was...odd.

Hit the gym at noon.  I am still having trouble with that cranky right knee...did some mobility...again. Then threw sheaf.  I am getting closer, but I have yet to hit the ceiling.  I am feeling completely stalled out on that event.  Well, truthfully I am kinda stalled out on anything physical at the moment. Then a bunch of hammer winds...

I seem to be making fewer people nervous in the gym when I do these now..I think the noon crew is just used to me now.  Then a little Weight for Distance foot work.

A little grip work....then finished with 3 sets of 10 weighted back extensions and Good mornings.

I realized as I was playing around in the gym, that I am seriously running out of time to prep for the games in May.  I knew that would happen...I made that choice.  I am a bit exhausted, mainly from lack of sleep.  I have to say I am pretty happy or proud of myself or whatever, for continuing to show up for workouts.  Yeah...the last couple weeks have felt like super lame workouts...but I workout and I always felt better when I left the gym. No regrets here...this work on Buried Child has been a great challenge for me...for so many reasons.

Funny, but I don't think I could have directed before I had become an athlete.....really.  There is something about the physical side of my life that has taught me to be ok with taking up the space I need in this world.  I also feel like I have learned a little confidence...I don't need to look the people I work with and apologize for who I am before I am allowed to speak. There seems to be a bit of calmness that comes with this athlete self as well....something goes wrong...you pick up and keep moving.

I don't need to panic or fall apart or hate myself for a "mistake."

Ah..art and sport...

It was such an odd feeling to go to the theater last night and know it was the last rehearsal.  I am going to miss so much about this process...the people mainly...but the characters too...for those of you who know the play, that may be hard to understand, but I will miss them too.

It is time to switch gears...I kinda hear a grinding sound at the moment....but it is time....time to throw...lift...prep...and believe in myself more than I do.  I am intrigued by what this directing project will bring to my athletic life.....

Sneaking up...

Well Well Well...

The Sneak Peek was last night.  Lots of folks showed up.  Scott and Ironweed have really strong support in this town...every year it seems to grow.  It was weird to be watching as the director last night...very odd.  I have been to them before and been in them, but watching as a director is just ...odd.

The hardest thing?  I had to get up and talk.

Sigh.

Now I can hear the question in your mind already:

"But Mona, you are an actor, you get up in front of people all the time, I am sure that's no problem for you."

um no..it is very different....on stage I have a script and a character to hide within...I am not me....This happened to me at Worlds last year too..Grant was delayed and they asked me, as the only New Mexico athlete who was present to get up and say something about the Albuquerque games.... I fumbled around that day too...sounded like a bit of a moron...

So last night I get up there in front of all these theater folks...I had 4 major points to make and because I am silly, I didn't write them all down. I did forget to thank a couple of people...(Ness, without whom, I could not be doing this play right now) I got to one of my thank you's and from out of left field, I started to cry.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Oh well...I decided this morning it is because I am running on very little sleep.  I feel a little like I have tiny shards of glass all over my skin.

Someone asked me last night if I was having more fun than having it feel like work...truth? 

Yes.

I really love watching this group of people work...this weekend we have to put all of the puzzle pieces together...sound, set, costume, lights...I thankfully have people around me that know I need a little extra help with this part of the process since I am such a noob.  I hope I don't drive people too crazy.

I am also looking forward to training again....I have tried to keep it up, but at this point with the lack of sleep, I have dialed it way back.  I really hope I have enough time to turn this back up to 11 by the time the May games roll around.

I guess I just have to have more fun...on the field and in the theater....

practice

Carrie McCarthy came in and took photos for the show last week....when she had Scott, Carla, and I sit on the couch.....

I love photos of me.

We open in less than two weeks and we have the sneak peak this week.  A couple of nights ago I had a wicked asthma attack at rehearsal...like the kind usually reserved for cabers.  Yesterday~I had my second migraine in about two weeks.  I have no clue what the Hell is going on.  It is pissing me off though.


Something physical that isn't pissing me off?  The endometriosis crap I was tracking has seemed to back off...in a major way...I am trying to be positive about this...trying to imagine this will mean no surgery next month....after all I have scheduled 3 games to go to in April.  Not sure how I would fit surgery into that. 

HA! Avoidance behavior?



I hope it isn't like some other crap in my life...stuff that you think is done, or fixed or whatever and then it shows back up worse than before.  Then I end up feeling like an idiot for thinking I was done with it in the first place,  Hope this doesn't mean my uterus will fall out during the Albuquerque games...ugh...messy....clean up crew near the cabers please!


Threw yesterday in Albuquerque...it was windy and cold and started to drizzle a little.  I was a dope and wore a kilt, so I was freezing my booty off.


Nothing big to report....I did bring the training fork down...It is simple, it needs to be my competition fork. It is what I use for practice a couple of days a week....and I get much more upward drive from it. Don't get me wrong...I am still stupid bad on sheaf...no where near my PR much less my goal..but I'll keep plugging away.


Weight for distance?  SUCK...but not really. Distances were lame...but I am not as unsure on my feet...I am not getting all twisted up by the heavy...foot work is coming along.


Dropped an easy caber...sigh...wet hands....lazy pick.  I did give Topper another go. Got a pick and a little throw. 


New form on WOB is coming a little. 15 feet was an easy throw...but dammit...I avoided throwing it at 16+...scared.  YES I am scared.  lame.


I blame Chuck....he still hasn't brought me my socks.

Sliding toward something....

Ok Ok....

I know, I know....

sorry about yesterdays blog, I thought about deleting it and then ...well, whatever, that's me right now...and it kinda felt good to get it off my virtual chest. Everyone has stretches of days, weeks, months like this...and it has an affect on training too.

Blah Blah...here is a cute cat:

So, here is a tiny tiny tiny list of all the awesome stuff that it would be better for me to focus on....

Vivi has straight A's.

The spider monkey comes home today for a week...just in time for the sneak peek for Buried Child.

um...the sneak peek for Buried Child is this up coming Thursday!

I had enough money to actually pay my health insurance bill this quarter.

I am in love with my design team and the work they are doing.

I have a new program from BJ that will lead me through this up coming season.

Picked up a caber last Sunday I never thought I would even try...it's 80+ pounds and I think about 16 feet...tossed it for probably only 10 degrees...but WHO CARES, right?

I am seeing the difference, yet again, of approaching a task from a place of confidence...more on that once the show closes.

Here is another cat:

I get to throw in Texas again at another new games for me...in about 3 weeks.

Still....I am moved, amazed, and humbled by the actors I am working with every time we play.

I am gonna start working on another play too...with Ness & Rod....

Even with my cranky post yesterday...I know I am loved.

For those of you who put up with me...thanks. And here is another cat:

Lazy ropes.

The workout yesterday included a rope climb.  I actually was a little excited since those of you who follow this blog know I climbed a rope last year.  Thrilling sort of moment for me.  It had been a while since I attempted...I thought I might have a bit of a struggle....

That's an understatement.

I could not for the life of me figure any of it out...by body just forgot.

It sort of summed up the last few weeks for me. 

Things I think I can do~I can't.

Relationships with people have shifted~been painful.

Artistic things have blown up all over the place.

I can't focus in the gym.

I can't throw WOB.

Looking at that rope...made me wanna cry.

Shit, I have been crying...a lot...the last few weeks too.  Shameful, big, sloppy cries. 

I am not writing either.


The best thing right now? 

I am loving working with the actors in Buried Child....they have made me cry too...I wish I could write about the show..but I can't yet.  Not sure why I can write about working out and throwing and Genevieve, but I just can't write about the artistic work yet...It feels...private still.

These actors?

Beautiful.

Me?

Fucking lucky...I know that. lucky all over the place...even with the hard stuff.