At the West Side Power Gym where I spend my mornings attempting to regain some strength, there are some chalk boards filled with quotes...
One of my favorites is "If you want a fancy gym experience, squat with your pinkies out."
Yesterday my eyes settled on this:
“It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.” –Socrates
hmmm
What am I doing to get myself there? Am I doing anything to really get myself there....the easy answer is yes...5 years ago I was pretty much rotting on the couch, struggling to get my life to look like I had imagined it would be. I had wanted an active life, yet I ended up on the couch.
SO...as I continue to recover and hit the gym, I wonder what more I could do, be, try.
I live with this low level lingering self loathing...I keep it at bay more and more as I age and as I move....but I know it also is what keeps me from really pushing forward and taking the best care of me. You know, good old self sabotage.
Not sure where I am headed with this....
Anyway....
I had a spectacular fail on a back squat yesterday too....oh my. I am used to the soft bumper plates...well...WPG has mostly Iron....After I got 275, I loaded up 305...I really wanted to see if I could get 300 again. As soon as I stepped back, I thought, "re rack this, it doesn't feel right." But then I thought that perhaps I was being a big baby. I went down...too far...I got stuck. Stuck. I wasn't even sure how to bail...Ugh, I tweaked my whole spine...but Grant stepped in and eased it off of me on to those safety doo-dads.
Lesson...I go heavy....He needs to spot me differently.
Bummed too...I thought perhaps I still had 300 in me.
Not yet.
As for the what more I can do, I met with BJ today, we have a strategy to get me through September...both body and mind. Also...
Sigh.
I signed up for another competition.
Just to see what it is like.
There is an in house power lifting competition at WPG. I've never even BEEN to one before...I just thought it might be fun to try. It will help me temper expectations too...I need help with that right now, before that self loathing~self sabotage takes over.
I have been meaning to write about the games last weekend...
but....
Well.
Yeah.
I am coming up against some transitions in my personal life that I am really struggling with.
Point 1...learning to step back and not try to fix everything.
Point 2...not taking bait...I suck at this.
Point 3...letting the dirt of the past lay still so the new seeds can grow. Tough when point 2 is such a sticking point.
Point 4...shutting off all of the 'shoulds' especially the parental shoulds.
oh games update...
Snowmass was weird...beautiful and weird.
The games were bumpy but I know they will iron that crap out....small stuff.
I have a major girl crush on Edie for more reasons than I care to admit.
I had lots more pain in my leg while throwing than I thought I would.
I actually threw all but one throw...finished the game.
I was flat on my ass tired (not sore) for longer than I thought I would be after the game...at the end of the day I got really down on myself...Pathetic to go there. I guess I have a lot of work to do. Frankly, the issues in my personal life and on the field are really the same.
There is no perfect, there really is no best...there is only the best you can do at any given moment, and sometimes that is really not very good...but it is all you have. And sometimes it really is the best, but no one sees it that way, especially yourself.
I did my best, the best I had to give, the most I knew how to do....I am sorry for many things, but I am not sorry for saying enough is enough.
I am going to approach this like I am supposed to approach the field...each throw is new...yes, you build on all the work and even perhaps your previous throws, but if you obsess over everything you did wrong on the last throw....you will only repeat it. Whisper the little cues instead.
Chest up.
Eyes forward.
Let it go.
Let it fly.
I am enough.
ok, well....let's stick with the working out thing here shall we?
I am up to 4 days of lifting a week....I am not really throwing at all yet. I am still having icky pain in my groin when I do. This past week I have also been having more pain in my chest.
Maybe I just miss my kids.
I'll try to throw Sunday....I missed the Portland Games and I will miss Enumclaw. Juli set 2 world records and a bunch of personal bests in Portland!! She is on fire and an inspiration. Trains her butt off, always tweaking form...I really do admire her drive and skill. It is a thing of beauty. I am gonna try not to get all maudlin next weekend during Enumclaw.....what a group of women throwing in the master's class.
JULl PETERSON* Wauwatosa, Wl BETH BURTON, Chico, CA KlM DENNlS, Kelowna, BC RACHEL SMlTH, Mission Viejo, CA MlCHELLE CROWNHART, Phoenix, AZ TlSHlA MALONE, Coupeville, WA MlCHELE McDANEL, Kirkland, WA
I mean...wow!
I have never met Tishia...but given the other ladies in the group....just...yeah....
As for me, I shall be working on my post surgery one rep max for a dead lift this week. This morning I hit 145 on my bench. I know it is small, but it's big for me. Bench just, ugh....I can't seem to figure out this simple move. Oh well...
My first goal?
Not to call everything a "post surgery max."
Next goal...I want to try to find a little time to work with some of the lifters and with Rocky at the new temporary gym.....they have a core group that does a bunch of power lifting and it might help with my shitty bench.
Next goal....start to throw a little again, I think I may just need to push through the pain I am having...Get over the "uncomfortable" part of it. I submitted my app for Pleasanton....I hope I get to go even though I have had this set back....
hmmmm, another goal? Keep working out. The desire to stop, give in, give up has been strong as I have written about before. I keep going...I need to keep going.
OH Hell....big news.
My bike is getting repaired!
Wheeeeeeeee....
This weekend I get to text the theory that you never forget how to ride a bike....we shall see.
I think I may have found my new sport/fitness obsession!
This 1960s exercise book illustrates everything wrong with our pursuit of fitness
The "cheek reducer" one of the insane exercises featured in Debbie Drake's Easy Way to Perfect Figure and Glowing Health. Debbie Drake via Awful Library Books
The secret to the perfect body has been hiding in plain sight since 1961.
That's
the year Debbie Drake's Easy Way to Perfect Figure and Glowing Health
was published. In this glorious tome — which documents a fitness era
that seems both antiquated and eerily familiar — "leggy, busty,
30-year-old Debbie Drake
(38½-22½-36)" gives readers advice on how to do everything from
slimming your thighs, to "reducing" your cheeks, and even exercising
your hair.
Suck the fat out of those cheeks!
In one easy step, Debbie's amazing "cheek reducer" can give you a
slimmer face without losing a pound. You just need to, er, suck really
hard.
Debbie shows readers that if you daintily kick your legs about in a
sexy pose, while munching on carrots, you can slim your calves and
thighs — all while flirting on the phone.
According to Debbie, "Massaging and brushing are forms of exercising
the hair." Why would you do this? She claims this can stimulate hair
growth, "improving the lustre and texture."
If you haven't had enough of Debbie's tips and tricks, check out The
Debbie Drake Show. Launched in 1960, she'd take viewers through "the
wonderful world of exercise to the land of slim, trim beauty."
According to Debbie — who also recorded an album called "Look Good!
Feel Great! and How to Keep Your Husband Happy" — you can erase your
double chin by simply stretching your neck, and her gentle contortions
and deep breathing will take inches off your waist and thighs. Of
course, weight loss doesn't work like that. Readers of this site should
know by now, you can't target fat loss in a particular part of the body.
Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose
Much has changed since Debbie's heyday, but much has stayed the same. Gwyneth Paltrow
recently promised readers of her website that they could lengthen their
legs and grow inches taller by rolling around on foam. Too-many-webpages-to-count are dedicated to tips on how to achieve Kim Kardashian's ass.
Dr. Oz — arguably one of the most famous people in America — regularly features bunk concepts such as belly-fat busting and metabolism-boosting on his daily talk-show.
People
keep selling this stuff because we keep buying it. It's good for
business. If Debbie taught us anything, it's that we need to stop wasting our time and money on fake fixes.
Thanks Vox....I need to go pull my hair for 5x5 reps....or one pull at the top of every minute? or as many reps as possible?
I am working out a little...harder? Not sure that is the right descriptor....how about a little less cautiously? Maybe that is more accurate.
Lots of people have asked me how recovery is coming along...
Here are some things I have noticed.
1. I am not falling asleep while I am in the middle of another activity. Yes this was happening both before and post surgery. The most disturbing incident? Dozing off in Costo while pushing a cart. Yeah.
2. My groin still hurts a little....not a lot, but I am super "aware" of the sore spots. This is clearly why I wasn't cleared for lower body stuff right away. The first time I tried to dead lift....yeah. I was AWARE.
3. I still occasionally have some chest pain. It is weird and sometimes upsetting, so if you see me around and I look like I am rubbing my boob....there is a good chance my chest hurts. I have decided that this is the burn spot healing, you know, like when you have a cut and it itches as it heals....I think the pain in my chest is my heart, itching. Have NO IDEA if this is true, but that's my story and I am sticking to it.
4. I am back to my obnoxious energy levels. And it is a little annoying, well to other people. I just realized this yesterday. It's a good thing I think.
I haven't been writing much, I took on one of those month long gratitude challenges on FaceBook, so some things that I might put here are up on FaceBook. And writing about my workouts feels weird right now.
Not sure why, it just does.
I am sure things will change again soon.....I know BJ is prepping a new space soon....Nooners may rise again. I do miss the Zia crew. Bunches.
I'll say this, a month ago, I really didn't even want to work out any more. I felt...lame...Now after a month I have upped it to 4 days a week, and I don't drag my ass to the gym as slowly as I had been. 5 AM is early, but Grant and I go and just do some work.
All this upper body work isn't giving me ripped arms or anything, but it is reminding me that I like to move weight around. I like to move me around....shit I even use a treadmill for 5 minutes to get my blood moving.
