Yeah Flagstaff Arizona.
I mentioned a few weeks ago, before Flag, that 5 years ago something big shifted for me when I was there. I Haven't every really talked about it publicly because...well, it caused a lot of pain as well. And well, people are judgey....I know I can be too. To make a long complex story super vague, It was 5 years ago in Flag that I felt something snap and I knew I needed to gather some freaking courage and tell my husband at the time that we were done. I mean, we both knew it for years, but there we stayed. I had fallen in love with Grant; it was when I got home from that weekend in Flag that I finally said the words. It has been a long, terrible process unfortunately, but that's just the way it went.
Well, a few weeks ago, in Flag, I felt something crack open, shift, move, change again. Something lifted dear reader...right off my heart. I don't what it was, forgiveness of myself; perhaps, a deeper understanding of letting go. Whatever it was, I no longer felt this underlying sense of responsibility for how other people behave or react. That is kinda huge for me.
It was tested in a big way on Tuesday of this week. I went to the Pharmacy and discovered that the kids insurance was no longer there. I texted the ex to see if there was an issue...he hadn't paid for it this quarter. Now, I am not going to say I wasn't mad...I was, but I didn't "go off" on him. I told him he should have contacted me so that I didn't find out more than a month after it was cancelled. But that was it. I, of course, went into "fix this" mode, but really....I have been expecting this for a very very long time and you know what?
I knew it wasn't my problem either.
It is no longer my job to get him or anyone else for that matter to understand what *I* think they should be responsible for... (or the court thinks they should be responsible for). He is who he is and my guess is he is doing his best; and shit, I am who I am and I am just trying my best too. This is, as they say, what it is. How it always was really and that is ok.
I was no longer fighting, trying to get him to hear me or see me or understand...anything...
That, I think, is what let go in Flag a few weeks ago.
Ok....I know. enough with the woo-woo.
Yeah Flag, but what did you do to prep for Pleasanton Mona??
Well, yesterday, I skipped the gym...but once it cooled off a bit I tried to throw in my yard...I got out a little late and there were some complications so I didn't actually throw. But I did do hammer winds. Discovered something interesting..... I had unknowingly changed my set up. I have been setting up for my throw by looking down at the head of the hammer, never a good thing. So, I worked on that little piece.
Then lots of PT work and sleep...
Today I had another weird workout...all these 5 minute AMRAP things...Presses, push presses, jerks, KB swings, snatches, goblet squats....oooooffffff. Then I had to finish with a 1000 meter row....ugh. Well, I could have chosen the 800 meter run, but....no.
My goal for this weekend's practice is to actually film some of my throws. I am terrible about that. I bring the phone holder thinggy and never set it up.
It's the little things, isn't it?
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