Y'all know I had lofty season goals...and I hope that I throw well this weekend. The shoulder is healing up. In fact, I was able to do some strict presses yesterday. Light, but still..it was uncomfortable, but it didn't hurt.
Aside from being excited to throw on my team, I also get to be on the field with Brittany, Heather, Keli, Tammy, Bethany, Denise, Tomasina, Stephanie, and other women I have yet to meet. The best part though? Vivi is my travel companion for these games.
I have this tiny spark inside me that feels like I may never come back. You know, I may look at that gas tank and simply keep driving or stay put. Although....sorry to my Texas ladies who read this...it IS Texas, so I won't actually stay. It doesn't change anything or fix crap, but it sort feels like it might...you know to just run from what happened last week.~from broken glass, broken doors, broken knuckles, broken family, broken hearts, guns and cops and sirens and tears. Not that it would be a huge loss to the state of New Mexico or the city of Santa Fe if I did stay in Texas, but life goes on and I will come home. I thought for a bit that I shouldn't go to these last two competitions. Hell, I am basically homeless at this point, what business do I have traveling or competing or god forbid, enjoying myself at all right now?
Hmmm...well, what did I say just now? Life goes on, it moves forward and I can either stay still and rot or I can keep moving along....keep moving forward....keep doing the things that make me feel grounded especially while everything else around spun out of my control. So, Vivi and I are going to Texas, we go to work and school, we even go to the gym.
Goals for these games? Find my feet, remember I can be grounded, enjoy these crazy strong women around me (which includes my Vivi). Then I'll come home and take more steps....
Gym yesterday? why yes...I did.
I don't have a "program" right now....oh my god I know....so I did what was on the freaking white board.
3x5 Back squats at 75% of 1RM
3x5 Presses at 75% of 1RM
then a 7 minute AMRAP (what the hell is that again?)
7 DB Cleans
7 Burpees
7 Push ups.
I thought, what the hell, it is mostly strength stuff. I also know how bad my conditioning has become ever since the heart crap. Vivi was lifting so I was too early for a class...I did the lifting. BS at 230 & presses at 65. Yeah I know those presses are light, but the shoulder...ahhhh.
Then...excuse me while I have a prideful moment here...I didn't just walk away. As they were setting up for the class and as Vivi was asking if we could leave...I set my crap up and set a timer. I actually did the work out. All alone...slow as shit...and god help me I can't do a push up any more...but I did it...ticked away at those 7 minutes and those stupid burpees.
When I was done...I worried a bit about the heart, but I let it go...as I lay on the floor all I could think of was how in those 7 minutes I wasn't afraid. In those 7 minutes I wasn't bruised. In those 7 minutes I wasn't worried about how to move forward.
I just moved.
I said to BJ as I was leaving the gym, "Heavy athletes shouldn't do burpees."
"Yes they should," He said.
"I know, that's why I did them...."
He just gave me a crooked smile and went back to class.
As for the gym today~~
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