Believe them...when you should.

And this is one of those times.

I remember a lesson I learned way back in 2005....when someone compliments you. Take it.  When you say to that person, "oh no I'm not..blah blah, blah....you are actually telling them that they are liars."

Thanks Eric!

So, why do I bring this up you ask?  I go an invite to a game last week.  When it came in, all I could think was...well, I'm not up for that. I am not good enough. I am not on that level. I can't. I can't I can't. Waaaa  Waaaa Waaa.....

I have been in this position before...women's worlds in Phoenix....and yes, I got my ass handed to me, but who the heck cares....I got invited. The AD said to me, no you earned this.

So why when this particular invite came in; why did I go straight to the same voices?

Well, for one..I am older...so I forgot?  No...I am just older and I haven't thrown a 28 in like 4 years. And honestly...I know this AD well...and, sigh, I thought it was a pity invite.

Invite the local old lady.....

um....

No.

I essentially called my friend Chad  liar...

He is a stand up fucking guy, I mean have you met him?  Too bad for you if you haven't.

But seriously...if he invited me...he invited me.

Sorry Chad....  😄  I'll try not to be such a jerk again.

Will I bring up the rear? Fuck yes?  Do I care? No!

It's exciting to throw with women like this...I JUST freakin' wrote about this, and now look at me, the local little old lady getting to throw with the Women's IHGF for the caber Championship in Albuquerque.  Getting to surround myself with a bunch of AMAZING athletes....

Wheeee!!!

I am warning ya though...I may be complaining about the 28 while I am training for this, why? Because I can and I think it's funny that 7 pounds makes such a difference.

Weakest Link

So I am starting my third week of this new programing....I am still sore...

But that's not my issue at the moment.

I had a fantastic ego check yesterday at the gym.  It was super busy when I got there...lots of folks, all the dead lift platforms were taken, so I warmed up a bit and looked around.  Like really looked around.

I haven't been the friendliest of bitches since I had to accept the closing of my gym.  I do what it seemed to me "everyone" was doing at the gym.  Put my head phones on and put my head down and shut up and lift.

But.

I saw something different yesterday.

I saw lots of little groups..people moving from platform to the rack to check in or spot or slap someone playfully.  I saw people laying on the fake grass and stretching together.  I saw a trainer tease a guy for nearly knocking him down with a sled...

I saw a community.

I'm not part of it, but it is there.

The other thing I saw, really saw the last few times at the gym?  Ha...I saw me.

See, the 2 gyms I have "belonged" to since 2010, I had grown accustomed to being the joker, the slow one, the older one, but the strong one as well.  I think I liked that little badge I wore.

Lemme tell ya....

At Iron Soul?  I'm the weak one, the inexperienced, the newbie....

Ahhhhh, I have lost that little piece I carried...The "I'm not cute, or fast or agile, but I'm the 'strong woman lifting in the corner' at the gym."  A nifty little label I made for myself.

And it's good. Good to shed that shit. Good to be the weak one.

It's a damn good thing to lose that label.  I look at the women at this gym and I am excited to be around so many who are so skilled, so much stronger than I. When I was an actor (like 100 years ago) and when I am on the field...I want to be surrounded by people who are better, more skilled, more experienced....selfishly?  yes...that's how I get better.  But it also strips me down of labels I place on myself that are useless, ego driven, that keep me stuck.

I'm not needing to compete with anyone; I don't need to be the strongest, it isn't about that...but I see all these women and I think....be better.

Be better, for me.

first week

Well.

Week one/

No. Not some New Years thing...week one with some new programming.

Ultimately, the actual moves were not very different.  I mean, there were a few things that I haven't really done before. Some basic things, like lat pull downs and seated chest row things.  Like I said, basic, but coming from the two gyms I came from; not a surprise. 

This week as easier in terms of planning as I had Monday and Tuesday off.  I am still not sure when I am going to workout in a regular way. This week I left work in Santa Fe and drove straight to the gym in Albuquerque.  That may work, not all the time....but I will try it for a while.  I know there will be times; auditions, late appointments, appointments for Emery that will keep me from it.  But, James had asked me how often I thought I needed to workout.

I know that my body deals with 4 days of lifting....So that's what he gave me..this also means, that if I miss a day, I have flexibility to make it up.

As I think about trying to get to the gym, in Albuquerque from Rio Rancho, the drive to Santa Fe for work early in the morning...I just get...ehhhhhh....

So...

Here I go.  When I opened that program, I thought, well this isn't very much, it won't take that long.  But the work, working up to the working set...that takes a lot of time.  And...well, I am old..I rest in between...

The odd thing about the first week for me was that the workouts were not all that different from what I was doing, I mean you know...squat, bench, dead, overhead something or another.  Then accessory work.  But...there is a different way of approaching these workouts.  I have been using super sets...James sent me a video outlining how he wanted me to do the accessory work.  They are not to be done in super sets,  I am to do sets until I get to a point when I might not finish the set and THAT will be my working set.  That I need to push these to possible failure.

Hmmm.

That changes things.  I am used to holding back, to gauging what I need to do to get to the next move. It was very interesting to push everything to the edge of my capabilities.  I mean, I believe there is a place for the super set..but this has been enlightening.  Interesting to learn about myself. 

How much do I hold back for the "maybe" for the "I might need this later."

I am super sore...and looking forward to next week.

Deadcember Wrap

Like in most things, I failed in keeping my promise to myself about the Deadcember training.  I said I would commit to myself for this one month... one month.

Ok  Ok....I missed one workout.  It was Thursday...the workout before the attempted max.  I looked at it and it literally would have been 5-10 minutes.   I made the decision that rest was probably just as good.  Otherwise.....I really did do it all... some modifications of course, but I am close, was close.

Sooooo....I am stiff and sore.  And there was so much more upper body work than I expected.

On December 1st, we didn't test a one rep, we tested a 3 rep.  I was super disappointed with that number 315.  But, well, I am not as strong as I once was, am I? For the training, I added 8% to that number to create a working max.  340 was the number I based everything in Deadcember on.

Grant came to Iron Soul with me on max day.  I was super happy to have him there. It is fun to lift with him.  I think we had both forgotten that.  We spent many months together at the gym after my heart surgery....While I feel like I really need my noon time workout, I also miss those early mornings lifting with Grant.

I digress....so did  I PR? Am I a beast? Am I so strong now I need new pants for my thighs?

No  No  No......

I loaded 305.

Then 345...I looked at that bar and knew I couldn't lift it...glad Grant was there....

Loaded 365...got it.

Tried 385...got it.....one inch off the ground.

Ha...

385 is pretty high for me, especially now,  so I probably should have loaded 375, but I will never know. 

I decided that we did an awful lot of upper body work, so I tested my  bench too...now that...I was super happy with... managed 145, which I know sucks for most people my size...but I suck at bench, and it  went up clean and smooth and I bet I had a little more in me too...

Whee....

So now I sit here, waiting to see my new programing.  Yes, I found me another coach.  I am giving distance coaching a try.  I contacted James Bullock...and he agreed to take me on....

The Forge

He trains some of the women in the sport whom I respect and admire in ways that words fail me...so I am grateful.

I am also a little nervous....I have no freaking plan yet....you know, like how and when to get to a gym....I still have a couple more days off of work.  But after that?

I guess I'll let you  know what happens.

Transitions

Usually in May, I write some sort of sappy blog about my gym, Praxis.  This up coming May would have been 6 years since I joined BJ and Will over at Zia Cross Fit, which became Praxis.  I still remember the struggle I had deciding to leave the previous gym, and the suspicious feeling I had about gyms I visited.  I was being super stubborn after feeling burned by the other gym.  I remember Mark and Kim encouraging me to give it a try.  So I did....and me being the weirdo that I am chose to go on days that were filled with workouts I hated..Just to see...to see how they treated people who are not so athletic...

Well, 6 1/2 years later..here I am.

I struggle with gyms...I really do.  When Rod roped me into trying crossfit, I found something different, not just the "constantly varied" thing, but it was the people.  I am not so good at going to a gym, putting on the headphones, and ignoring anything but my "gains."  I need people.

Certain people.

I mean, I have left a gym (or 2) because of the people as well...

What BJ and Will and later Gary, had created fit me...Wouldn't fit everyone, but it fit me.  I remember when I met BJ and Will, it was at a weightlifting meet.  I had gone to see my friend Patti compete.  Will and BJ were sitting in front of me.  I had seen them both at Crossfit comps, so we all said hi and blah blah....then BJ mentions a magazine "Milo" that he had that had interviews and training crap for Highland athletes.  He offered to send it to me.  Now, if you have read my crazy blog for a while, you know that the other gym I was going to when I started throwing, basically said, that's cute but keep doing crossfit, that should be enough.

I was frustrated and CLUELESS about how to train or even what questions to ask.

That moment at the meet stuck with me.  And even after I joined BJ, I stayed in the classes for a long time, he was checking me out too. Seeing if I was someone who could be trained.  So, in the early years, I mostly did classes, but he'd pull me out for strength training for a few months at a time.

Very different than the I hide in the corner and lift thing I do now.  Even after I moved to Rio Rancho, I tried to just do the programing remotely and well, I would fall down.  Stop doing it. Until BJ wouldn't send my workouts.  He would just say, why don't you just come in and I'll give it to you. Well...that's when the lunch time thing kicked back up.  Escape from work, from my life for a while and lift.  I needed to still feel like I was in a class to keep coming.

I have a strong desire to belong.

Well, like all things, change is coming again.

BJ and Gary have made the decision to shut down Praxis.

I get it.  For the all the stated and unstated reasons.  Running a gym is tough, especially a gym like Praxis.  It isn't about getting members to sign up and not come...That focus can only mean lower numbers of members and higher numbers of hours for those that own it.

But I am sad.

I have been there a long while and even though there are people who have moved on from the gym, it was a unique place. I have met and sweat with people I would have never met otherwise.  And when they leave and when this space leaves my life it will leave a hole.

I still miss the nooner crew, Velda, Faith, Sarah, Sheila, Erin.

I know I was the most irritating person Will probably ever had to deal with, but towards the end we both knew my goal was to make him laugh.

BJ and Praxis trained me to a World Championship and multiple world records yes, but he also focused my rehab after heart surgery. The gym was there for me when I lost everything and was completely broken after violence struck.  If it weren't for the gym and the community they created,  I never would have met Faith and Chris who opened their home to Emery and I preventing us from having to make terrible choices.

I will miss the babies of Praxis....so many of them are no longer babies.  I loved that the gym encouraged healthy pregnancy workouts and babies hanging in the gym to watch their parents.  I loved occasionally holding a Salas ginger so Patsy could finish thrusters...I have been endlessly moved by the support I received from this gym family of mine.  Coming to games, throwing at games, fundraisers for me...All the comps....It's always a blast to go cheer on Kori and Faith at a railyard game...or Boxtober.  I cannot list all the folks whom I love to see when I walk in, I know I will miss someone and feel badly.

And at Praxis, I know sometimes~some of you were happy to see me. 

Things always change...

I will start a search, I have to decide how to do things now, what I need, where I fit, and if I can do some of this on my own now.

Praxis, you were something special.  Thanks.