Vivi

Best conversation of the week....


Vivi:  Mom, what do you want for your birthday?

Me: Nothing really.

Vivi: *sighs*

Me: Ok, how about you don't yell at me all day?

Vivi:  *bigger sigh* I cannot guarantee that.

Me: Ok, just don't roll your eyes at me all day.

Vivi:  You can't buy those things.  I need something I can just buy.....*exaggerated sigh....exaggerated eye roll*


Love that kid....she cracks me up.

not sure what to think.

Monday!  Big day...PR's. Although one of the PR's was something new, so no matter what I did, it would be a PR.

Rack pulls.

135, 225, 315.  Then I jumped to 385....tried it twice.  Kinda annoyed I could not get it off the rack.   The prior one rep was 375...two weeks ago..what the heck?  it's only ten pounds...BUT Mona dear, its only 2 weeks.  So I swallow my pride....pull off 5 pounds....and seriously...I get a lovely pull.  Even Will said so...and Will just took 4th place in a dead lift competition....so yeah....

Seems as though I am chasing 400.

Then Dumb bell push press...

35,40,45,50...at 50, I realized that I was having a hard time getting the weight up to my shoulder...cleaning the weight was tricky...so....Faith agreed to help me out...HA!  She got the weight to me....THANK YOU!  did 55...then 60.  The 60 was not quite fast....more of a push push push to lock out...so I stopped...I also was unable to get the weight down gracefully.  They banged to the floor.

Will looked at me and said..."That's why the are made of rubber..."

Tuesday:

Snatches...light.

4X2 75...I am giving up on the snatch for now....giving into the power snatch for the time being.

Then...clean pulls. 3X5  BJ has it listed at 130% of my one rep max...Who the? What the?  AHHH!

I load the bar to 190....I pause in between reps to reset my legs...my god these are hard.  I don't think I really get to my toes at all.

Then I do back extensions & something else I can't remember.  I also bust out my fork and do some sheaf drills and hammer work too.

I was glad I went last night, I almost didn't, almost let myself get taken away by things I can't control and some stuff I should control. Was at the doc yesterday, surprisingly, I did get some answers....but I am also in a holding pattern.  Endometriosis generally does not effect women my age...and since the symptoms hit so fast and so hard the doc wants me to wait 2 months to track pain.  See...since I am older...it may just go away or become tolerable until it does go away. So, I feel like I am in 7th grade health class again with my little tracking graph.  So, if we choose surgery, it will be in April. Again, it is surgery, but it is minor. The doc said, a week to get back to activities, a month to feel "normal."

One of the things that bugs me is the timing and the waiting.  But hell, I'd rather avoid surgery, minor or not.  I spent the afternoon thinking about what I can do....I need to take off a few pounds. I quickly found myself back in that place of self loathing, which, I dealt with this time by hitting the gym.  I joked with someone that I need to start training twice a day so that I am ready for the recovery portion of surgery if I need it.  I also just think I am too heavy.  I get it, I am lifting, building muscle...but I am also fat.  No way around that. My eating has slowly slid....ah....Fat or not..my blood pressure is good.

114/63

Pierre joked that when they go in for surgery that they could go in and scrape out fat too.  um, not funny Pierre...ok never mind, it is funny. I am just not in a good mood about any of this.  I am also trying to learn how to feel what I feel without trying to either make it go away or pretend I am not feeling at all. Hmm, all I have left to say about that is...Blargh.

So, two months before I need to decide about surgery and three months before Worlds....looks like it might be time for the Whole 30 again....It is also time to make sure that this new challenge doesn't take over my thinking....doesn't, "live rent free in my head." as they say. 

Oh food....dang, you own me don't you....

Time

After I did that acting workshop a while back, I had a conversation with one of the other women who had done the class with me.  We talked a lot about the whole idea of the transfer of skills from theater to camera.  She is a SUPER skilled actor, but we both agreed that neither one of us made an immediate connection with the art form.  That the way we see ourselves as artists did not transfer to film.  That is ok...I mean...there are those that just are freakin' naturals...I am not...neither is she. 

Then she said something to me that shook me up a bit.

"I only have a certain number of years left and I have to make a choice about how I want to spend it."

We kinda looked at each other and talked a bit more about how much work it would take to get good at this new skill...and NOT whether or not we "could" figure it out, but if we had the time left to be willing to focus on it.

I left that conversation thinking about how much time I might have left to be "productive" and what that means.  After all, it is my job to describe what being productive means...there are only so many things that I have the time, the drive, the desire to focus on with the~hopefully~25 years or so I might have left.

It is not just the "what" of the focus...but the people too....the "who" is the most important piece.

I was struck by this during this past weekend...the variety of people who currently fill my life...the variety of things I focus on, or that drive me....the truly amazing people who fill my life and fill me up.

Why do we keep making choices that no longer serve us? 

Are we so afraid that saying yes to our own happiness will hurt the people around us?

Do we end up being owned by some idea of responsibility?

I just don't know..

Oh well...It is a dead lift day today...so at the very least I know what drives the dead lift....

reasons

Reasons...sometimes we have no good reason for doing what we do...sometimes something just presents itself and we decide to say yes before we can even think about all the ways in which it would be better if we said no...

Recently, someone asked me to write a short blog about how I found the Highland Games...I am just gonna be a lazy athlete today and post it here....

 I am Mona and I am a Highlands Athlete. Sounds like I am  introducing  myself at an AA meeting doesn't it?  At this point in my life, it does almost feel like I am addicted to this sport.  The concept of seeing myself or even calling myself an "athlete" is radically new.  I had, for most of my adult life been a couch potato.  I was never an athlete, not in High School, nor in College.  I certainly never threw on a track team. I am what some affectionately refer to as an MCA~Midlife Crisis Athlete.

In the summer of 2010, I had to face the reality that I was getting sick and that I was the one making myself sick.  I had given up on my body in the prime of life and I was now paying the price: pre-diabetic, had advancing arthritis, severe stenosis in my neck,  bad liver and kidney functions, and joints that barely carried me up a flight of stairs.  At the encouragement of a dear friend, I started CrossFit.  It was horrible, but I stuck with it.  

Fast forward about 10 months: I had lost about 65 pounds and I had begun to understand that yes, there really can be an athlete inside of everyone, if I just stopped saying "no" to my body and my health. While I enjoyed the gym, the classes , and the community of CrossFit; I was feeling that there needed to be more...I knew running wasn't for me, I wasn't going to find a soccer team, or play softball.  Just about this time, I had remembered an old friend, Chuck Thomas, who had been bugging my husband to do something called Highland Athletics.  I asked my husband if he thought women did this "thing" too.  He didn't know, so I got Chuck's email and asked.

He sent me this really great description of all of the events and assured me that, yes, women do throw.  I spent about 10 minutes reading through the description and looked at my husband and said, "Well, that looks ridiculous, I am NOT doing that." I threw out the descriptions...then a couple of weeks later I got an email from Chuck, "When you coming down to give this a try?"

HA...never.

Another couple weeks he checks in again and then my husband says, "Well, we could go down, just try it, what can it hurt?"

I thought about it, and really, why not try?  Why not say yes? Why not experiment?  I am looking for something to do with this lighter, slightly leaner body right?

Once we finally found the practice field, all the people there assumed that my husband was the one who was gonna throw...to the best of my recollection, it took some coaxing to get me to pick up that hammer.  I had no idea what it would trigger, how picking up that hammer on that cool spring morning would change utterly and completely how I see myself, how I much I would discover about myself, about training, about determination, about failure, about success. I swear, I picked up that hammer  the first time and fell in love, with possibilities.  

I went to 4 practices before my first competition in May of 2011 and I have been greedily soaking up everything I can find about training for the games since.  I have found pieces of myself, my power, that I didn't even know that I had lost. I am so glad I said yes to the "experiment."  I have met the most amazing people from literally, all over the world.  

I am just starting this sport and at 44, sometimes I feel like I will never be good enough because I don't have an athletic back round, then I remember that just a little over 2 years ago, I was slowing killing myself with my choices. So whatever I throw now is certainly better than that place.  All I need to do is to be better than I was during those dark days.

 That's it...that's sorta how I found this...I guess I wanted to post this because of the quickly approaching season...and um, I also said yes to a games....that I wasn't planning on....I suppose I will just trust that I can get there..and get the work done....

What a dork.

It's Chuck's Fault

Threw heavy stuff this weekend and I do mean heavy stuff.  I have had a nemesis caber..RED.  It is a men's starter caber, but it is similar is size to the challenge caber we had in Pleasanton. Any time I have tried to tackle this one, I walk away bruised, or with a sliver, but with no turn.  I get better each time....the first time I tried, I couldn't even pick it.

see?

 This weekend though, Grant brought the cabers..so I had to give it another go. The first two tries, I had decent picks, but no turn....I wasn't gonna throw again, but then...because I had been a show off earlier...Grant came over and threw Red....without moving...Breamer style...

Dammit. Picked it, danced with it, turned it.  Ugly, like a 2:30, but I turned it.

Something was weird about me this weekend...I kept getting triggered....this weird super aggressive streak was just there...strong...and Chuck and Grant were NOT being very helpful...they were pushing my buttons.  Especially Chuck.  I have no idea why, but no one has ever pushed my cometitive buttons more than he does...NO ONE.  I don't know if it is what he says, how he says it, or the look he gives me....

I always bite.

This weekend, it was the 42 pound WOB.  I try and throw the 42 at least once because it makes me super aware of my form...I have to be patient with the pull because I know there is no way I can muscle that up with my little lady arms...I need my massive lady ass.  So I throw it...and I clear 11 feet.  Then he starts in on me...Ugh, I finally yell at him " it's your fault I am here at all, stop it"...but I bite anyway.  He bet me a pair of socks.

Not fair...I can't resist socks.

So....I have to clear 12 with the 42.  I take my first throw...guess what I hear?

"You had the height."

NO WAY....another throw....timing off...but I had the height again...third throw....I am outta gas.  Dammit this thing is heavy.  No go.  Chuck agrees to make it a standing bet...so next time we throw WOB...I am getting it.  I want those socks. Side benefit of throwing that heavy thing? I slow down...and I can get closer to the bar so that I am not wasting energy throwing both up and back.  Just to test it...I grab the old lady 21...the bar is at 19. I stand closer than I normally do, pop that thing and clear 19 with the first throw. Next time, I need to throw the 28, which is what I have to throw in May, at the "stuck in my head" height of 16' 6".

Sheaf this weekend too...it is feeling more and more consistent...this weirdo new form of mine.

As for working out....yesterday was killer. I am all new levels of sore today from these last two days.  Seriously.

Good Morning, find a one rep max...
oh god.  When I got the bar loaded to 135, I looked at BJ and said..."This right here is what makes a heavy athlete, heavy."  I wasn't willing to fail on this lift so I stopped at 135, it was heavy, but good deep form.

Seated Dumb bell press.  UGH
got to 40.

Then 8x3 Rack pulls and Bench Press.
Rack pulls at 235, bench press at 95...with bands.

I know this doesn't sound like a lot when I type it all in...but geeeez I was spent.  I did spend time warming up and doing lots of mobility....cause I was sore from letting Chuck bait me.

Next weekend?  I gotta try out my new hammer blades.  Pierre thinks he saved my super cool purple boots.... Thanks!