Shhhhhhh.....silly goals.

 Ok so....goals?

ok.  I'll try.

Threw yesterday...Hammer Sheaf and Stone.  It was...ok.  I was working a little light hammer...probably threw 10+times....I was focusing on one little thing...I guess that is sorta my goal IF I think I  might start "focusing on throwing" again.  Yesterdays hammers were all about using my damn legs.  I was feeling like I was doing what I set out to do...then....I felt a little...whatever in my Achilles, so I stopped.  

The furthest I threw was something in the low 70s...nothing to write home about as they say, but I wasn't giving it too much gas...Two things here....I stopped....and I have a starting pint for light hammer...

So, what's my potential goal then? Is it too much to shoot for 10 more feet in about 6 months?

Probably...but there you go...a goal....81 feet for light hammer.

Then I moved to Sheaf...3 throws and I tweeked my hammy....oh well....hahahaha.  Chad said I was pulling way too soon and shortening my swing...So...not sure I can place a goal yet since I really didn't clear anything yesterday.

How about 24 feet?  I mean I SHOULD be able to hit 28 feet, but I gotta get rid of the "shoulds" so there ya go.

Stone....oh stone...I am fixing my arm...hand placement on the finish and even bigger....I keep throwing down...into the ground...so annoying.  Anyway, once I got some full throws in I did hit 24+ or so...so how does 25+ on Braemar sound? (again I "should" be able to throw that thin 30 feet...but I quickly digress....)

Ok...goals...wrote some down....now let's see if I actually do the work it takes to GET there!

Share or no?

 I have seen some of those goal oriented memes lately....clearly my phone is listening to not just the shit I say out loud, but my shitty self talk as well.  There are two basic types....

The "accountability" type...you know....shout your goals to the world and get the damn support you want...and the "hide this shit ad surprise them" type....you know....plan your goal, dig deep, and shock the hell out of the people who said you couldn't do it.

I have generally been a share kind of person.  For example, I used to post throwing goals on this blog before I went to a game....but as for food goals or self care stuff...I have kept that pretty much to myself...So the idea of hiding a goal and unleashing it on the world seems odd..like...who cares?  

I think most of us are just half way struggling with working out, with food, with drinking too much, with watching too much TV, to even be thinking of how the people around us are gonna be "blown away" or some silly shit.

For right now, I don't post goals...because, well.....I can't seem to stick to anything....so the asshole thinking I can't do something...is...me.  

HA!

Anyhooo...my ankle is actually looking sorta decent.  I also had this thought the other day....I probably tore this thing in July of 2019.....AND I KEPT THROWING....like while building a show with Rod....and I threw well at Pleasanton that year....Like really well....Like a  49 foot heavy weight good...and here I am now scared shitless to actually throw....I am cautious and timid....I am more afraid of this Achilles healing process than my heart surgery healing process..

What the holy hell brain?

I know though too, that part of this struggle is a struggle about throwing AT ALL...

So there is THAT to contend with.

Thanks for coming along on this rambling blog......

Shirts

 Ahhhh gym shirts...I generally peek at the shirts people wear because well, they are wearing them.  Generally if there are phrases or saying on them a shirt may give you a clue into a tiny piece of who they are or what they believe.

Yesterday, while lifting my tiny dead lifts, saw a shirt on one of the many buff folks at the gym:

                                                    Discipline

                                                    -------------

                                                    Motivation

I saw it...then I SAW it.  Ahhhh my young buff dude....yes.  Thank you for reminding this old lady.  Motivation comes and goes....I, frankly, have had none since my Doc warned me I probably tore the Achilles...like 3 months before the diagnosis...Probably January of last year...then add the last year to the mix...and yeah....blah.

I started to feel bad because....well that is my automatic go to...then I saw the young buff dude walk past me again...and as though a muscled light had come on in the dark, or a buff glass of water showed up when I was thirsty....I thought again....

Oh....yea...I may not be doing the motivated thing...but since the gyms reopened in June and excepting some missed workouts here and there and purposeful weeks off here and there...guess what you silly old broad....you HAVE shown discipline. I may not be getting the "training" in I do when I am "motivated," but I am going to the gym.

Now if I can just show some discipline with what I eat....

February

There have been a few things I had wanted to write about, but after January 6th....all that was going to come off the page was.

WHAT. THE. HELL.

So, here I am now, in February, still feeling a bit what the hell.  Frankly, still not knowing what to write about...Should I rehash my weight struggles?  oh fun...let's all listen to that again...Should I whine about my lack of an artistic outlet....oh let's to THAT.....Should I complain about workouts and my Achilles....

So many choices....

So much crap....so much first world middle aged white lady problems.  WHEE!

 

So all I will say is this...I have been throwing a little bit...on Sundays and well, this week, my ankle was fine.  There was only stone, WOB, and sheaf....but still, sheaf often hurts.  Monday workouts have been Bench for like a year? Not sure...well....I can't anymore.  Momma cannot bench and upper body workout the day after throwing.  So, I decided I shall dead lift on Mondays from now on.

Riveting Blog...amiright?

I have also been consistently missing one day of workouts....Last week's excuse...I had some body work on Friday that nearly killed me.  I was still...ooookie....on Saturday so I skipped it.  

I shall endeavor to do ALL my workouts in February.

 

I am also tentatively looking a doing a few games this year...MAYBE....and have actually thought that perhaps I should set some goals for this shitty new ankle and throwing.   I have some things in mind, but it will depend on if these games actually happen....

Anybody out there who throws wanna help me set realistic goals?  I am at a loss....One of the throwers yesterday said..." you should always set goals...they don't have to be lifetime goals....but set some." He is right...but really, my days of "lifetime goals" are well past.  

Which is fine...so....anyone?  Bueller?

The high road.....

 I am fascinated by the concept of "taking the highroad."  I have always equated it with the idea of how you deal with a bully...that you walk away, that you don't give them any more buttons to push and thusly they get bored with you.

I get it.  It sorta works......until.

Yea...until people take advantage.   

I am especially blown away by people in my life that I have known who are; how shall I say this, come from a more "socially conservative" point of view than myself.

There seems to be this expectation that because I am a member of the alphabet mafia and an alphabet mafia ally that I am "tolerant"...and that I am supposed to be tolerant of someone else's bigoted point of view...because I am what they have decided is tolerant (which implies they KNOW they are intolerant).

I'm not really.

I try to be inclusive...but even then....I am not a resort...I am not all inclusive.

 

Here is a nifty little story about a punk bartender....and why he kicks someone out of his bar.  I could recount it for you, but here is a link:

 

https://www.upworthy.com/bartender-explains-why-he-swiftly-kicks-nazis-out-of-his-punk-bar-even-if-theyre-not-bothering-anyone 

 

 As some of you know, I had to deal with some of this white supremacist shit a while back in our little throwing community.  And well, we got push back....

"Who were we to decide what the person believed in their heart" line....We even had someone equate us to Nazi by shooting us the poem "First they Came" by Martin Niemöller.  

Yeah...fun....

I have had to come face to with the person who stood up for this bigoted behavior again...I watched as my ever patient spouse and this person chatted and I heard him apologize....my spouse...for what?  I am still unsure....I asked him later...did this person apologize to you for calling us Nazi? 

And what do you think the answer is?

I just can't anymore. 

Perhaps it is age, perhaps my hubby is intimidating and that's why nothing was said...but why do I always have to apologize? And why am I coming up with excuses for this even as I type this!! Why do I have to tolerate hate or bigotry?  Why do you get to just move on and pretend your words have no impact...or that it's a joke....or that I don't get sarcasm? 

Sadly it reminds me of years of gaslighting that I dealt with...I was told once, that I had to deal with the "bad" behavior because more was expected of me, because "I could handle it." 

I am all for moving on...it is all we have. 

But I have the freedom to associate with whom I want.

I am all for seeing something I didn't see before...for learning and changing and doing better....but am I always the one who has to accept and learn and try to do better?

Oh well....I don't know what to say or even think anymore.

I'll just go throw a little bit on my torn ass Achilles and hope and work for something better. At least in my own tiny circle.