Dress lessons

I did workout yesterday.

I think.

It was super lame, completely unmotivated....I am feeling, weird.  My morning had put me in a place of just wanting to be snuggled up in bed all day.  Went to the gym and I could not shake just wanting to go home...home...home.

I warmed up, I think...then decided to squat even though it wasn't really a squat day.  The squats were so taxing on Monday I wanted to just move a little weight.  Shane came over and asked me what I was up to,  I said Squats & cleans.. I that order he asked.....  He said he does more complex moves first...solid reasoning, but I just needed to move my legs.  He agreed with me...for my purposes...to squat first.  Boy oh boy did I go light.

Faith came over and I bitched and moaned to her that 135 felt heavy.

yeah   135...

Moved to the cleans...you know my favorite lazy back hold for 3 second hang cleans....couldn't get 125 up.  Oh well...worked WFD too, and rowed....like I was on a lazy river going no where.

More than a week off is posing challenges......that and my head....

So, when I got back from the games in Enumclaw, I had a little bit of winnings...I used most of it to payoff the airline ticket, but I also decided to buy myself something.  See, I have a friend who is a clothing designer. I already have one of her dresses that I adore. I saw this on her Instagram page...

oh...here is a link to her page...

iheartfink

Now, she and I go way back and she sent me colors and patterns and all sorts of stuff to think about.  I had to be honest with her too...you know her stuff is amazing, but you know...she doesn't look like me, nor do her models...BUT she did already make me something that I love...sigh....old demons come up. I send her my measurements, she assures me that this one especially is made for any body...it's a wrap after all.

So...fast forward...Monday...I get a package in the mail...

dang, even her labels are cute...

I throw the package in the car and go to pick up Vivi from school,  I open it up and I just hold the dress on my lap.  I get home, I leave it in the car....I can't bring myself to put the dress on, to see if it even fits.  The colors and the patterning are inspired....Blues and coppers...wow.

I fold it back up and think, I can't wear that...it won't look right on me...I am too heavy right now, I am not her normal client, I won't do her artistry justice...a whole day I do this shit to myself...a....whole...day.  Now frankly, years ago, I may have bought the dress and NEVER put it on.  I got up the next morning, looked at my heavy athlete ass in the mirror after my shower and said to myself that you are disrespecting Kristen and her work by NOT putting it on. 

So...I put it on....and you know what, she is right, it fits this heavy yet athletic body just fine.

And you know what else?  I am not waiting for "the right occasion" to wear it. 

I might just wear it to the grocery store tomorrow....

and here is her link again....cause you know, I think she is all sorts of fabulous.

iheartfink

Goals and a neck

Ok...here they are, my numbers from the Santa Fe Games in 2012

Braemer         21'6"   (it's a 17 pound stone...ugh)
Open              28'2"   (11lbs)
Light WD       59'3"
HH                 63'11"
Sheaf             22"

Oh, big sheaf that day...won't beat that one.  Notice Heavy WFD and WOB are missing....why? yes I threw Master's last year which is with the 21....will be throwing the 28 in Santa Fe this year.

These are good numbers, about what I am throwing now.....Not sure I'll actually be able to improve. I will try not to beat myself up about that. As for the heavies?  Yeah, I am shooting for high 30's and yes...well...it would be GREAT to finally get that 16' WOB.....it is a monkey on my back.  It's been there well over a year.

Part of that fear thing that I was talking about in the last blog.

Worked out Monday....

Just some hammer work...WFD foot work....then some back squats. This is insane, but I was so freaking happy to be under a bar.  It is so bizarre to me, I felt all sorts of better with a heavy (well, not all that heavy) bar on my back.  I went light.

3X5  95 135 185
3X3  185 205  205

The 205 felt so heavy, but that's ok....I was worn out, sore, and had been gone a week.....well, almost two weeks when you factor in the time for the trip to Pleasanton as well.

On another topic~I had some work done on my neck by Dan. 

Fascinating.

I had an epiphany while on the table.  I was struggling....I was dealing with my heart racing a bit while I was on the table....and for whatever reason, I could not tolerate my face in the face cradle thing....it was freaking me out. Well, Dan....just goes with it.  He started at my feet.  Lots on my feet, my calves, my glutes.

He then gets into my right shoulder.  I was in pain....I felt hot....in pain....did I say it hurt?  I stayed with him.  I trust him...he stayed with me....

When he finished...he had not touched my neck.

He had not "worked on my neck." 

I said to Dan, "I am so used to having 'my neck pain' but I don't think this is about my neck.  I think other things go wrong and I assume it is my neck..."

He assured me, "the neck hurts....but yes...it starts somewhere else...and we only touched it today."

I am some how gonna come up with the cash and see him again next week...cause for the first time in months, as I sit here and type this silly blog...I am pain free....

Some how...I know this is tied to fear.

Did I mention? I am not in pain....

blah blah break

Ok...so today I get to go back to the gym....but of course it is a crazy busy day.  Gonna be a squat day so who am I to say no to that?

Vivi starts her acting class again tonight....so her schedule in the gym is shifting too....I may have to start hitting noon classes again.

I did go throw yesterday.  Guess what happened?  I tweeked my back.

How you ask? Oh let me share the joys of being a mid-life-crisis-athlete.

I go out in the field to shag hammers before I throw...a doozie comes at me and I zig with my feet and zag with my upper body.

Yeah...hurt my back standing in the field.

yeah.......

It's fine today...just sore and yes I am still a little sore in my neck, but I get to have the Magic Hands of one Mr. Dan Piburn on me tomorrow.  Wheeeee!!!  I didn't really throw all that much, never even picked up a heavy hammer....but I threw a little...and didn't die.

I have a confession to make, I have done something really dumb this morning....

Team Challenge

I already have 3 games through November, but I have never done a team challenge...I am a curious sort...and I woke up this morning with this on my mind.  So I signed up.

Yeah, I know in my last blog I think I said I wasn't even gonna do the games I had already signed up for....

What is WRONG with me???

Ok 4 more games this year....I'd like to figure out my goals for each of these...I may just pull last years numbers, much like I did for Pleasanton....just see if I can beat myself from last year.  I am also only throwing Open Class...no Master's Class in these final games.  I had some sort of reason and I can't really remember if it was a decent reason or not....something about my final ranking in  NASGA.  I had this idea that I wanted to finish in the top 25 when the year was all finished.

Not sure it really matters any more...given both my health and emotional struggles at the moment. Hell, maybe it never really mattered...I mean, it was only an arbitrary number I gave to myself.

Got to do some more thinking about my training too...I mean, I came no where near the goals I had set for myself this year, yet I did make small gains within the structure of the heart troubles I had this year.  So maybe that ain't too shabby....

I think my biggest struggle with throwing and training is really fear....  couple of other things too....maybe it's time I deal with those fear issues before I start trying to train for Scotland.

Stupid head.

Bitch is tired.

Ok here is my further analysis of my experience at Pleasanton.


Bitch is tired.


I haven't even pulled or LOOKED at photos on my camera.

I haven't cleaned out my games bag.

I realized something really cool though.....I left it all on the field.  I am spent.  So my big decision for the week?  Not hitting the gym.

Yup, I have dragged this kitty out again...I shall be resting and repairing until Sunday when I will hopefully be in a better place physically to throw.  Then the gym will be mine. 

Whatever....kidding.

I also need to dial in my food....I have been a mess when it comes to what I put in my mouth (stop giggling).  Today started with a bang, until I bought a piece of cheese cake.  I feel especially chubby...oh well.

Got this from a dear friend~

I will be....nope.... I am.....

Now, back to the couch, and the foam roller, and the lacrosse balls, and real food....yeah...

More later.....

I am overwhelmed today.  I am not sure I have ever been this sore post games.  I clearly need to take a look at what I am doing post games and adjust it.  I am not young and this weekend served as an amazing reminder.

BUT..I at least promised the numbers, right?

Well...I did not do what I had hoped....I did not improve every throw.

The worst thing~the throw I didn't improve?  Fucking stone...I have been drilling that hard in the gym....sigh.

Ok  as a reminder:

Last year:
Braemer  23'2" (they have HUGE stones)
Open       25'4"
HWFD    29'3"
LWFD    55'4"
HH         56'10.5"
LH          75'5.75"
WOB      15'  (of course)

This year:
Braemer  22'2" Really? A FOOT drop?
Open       26'6"  Whee  Really? a foot?  :)
HWFD    45'9"  Yeah don't get too excited, it's with the 21....still I think its a PR
LWFD    61'10" Not bad, not a PR, but happy when it's over 60.
HH         64'  Not bad improvement from last year (not a PR)
LH          85'6"  On my first throw and the first throw of the day!
WOB      19'2"  Hit the bar at 20....but there was an issue...more on that snafu later...(21)

AND caber....holy moly....on day 2 the challenge caber was light but crazy long, I was the only master to turn it...ugly, but I turned it. The championship caber? yikes 85ish pounds like 17 feet?  something stupid.  Our judge says to me," you qualified to try, you sure you want to?" hmmmm no...I said ok, "once."  Well...I picked it...dropped it....he said, "come on, one more?"  SO I did...Picked it...got it off my shoulder....maybe 25 or 30 degrees.....I acted like I got a 12.  I didn't care I tossed it!
Tried again, but picked and dropped,  But hell, I hung in there with the young women.  Thing that helped me the most?  Adriene yelling at me from the side telling me I can do it.  Love her...really do.

Here it is~sideways...but I don't know how to change this sort of thing...

Challenge caber

I might write again later today or tomorrow...but I have 2 auditions tomorrow and this old woman has lines to learn.

I really understand why some people consider this the end of the season.  I am worn out, spent, tired, sore.

Not sure I wanna throw again this year.

Over all....such a thrill to be asked to throw in these games.....they have a new trophy for the Master's Women, so we were part of the closing ceremony.  WOW....yeah that horse track was FULL~the Mass band thing was...AMAZING.  Think if I get asked back, I'll always stay for that. 

On a personal note, I was missing my dad this weekend.....odd.