Grief?
Been having some issues lately with jealously...oh that green monster...
What about Mona? Oh lots of crap.
My health, my throwing, how I look, my artistic life, how live, how I work, retirement concerns, relationship expectations...
All this stuff I am taking in and looking at myself and thinking, "what did I do wrong," or "why don't I haves." And honestly there really is a lot I've done wrong (who hasn't), but why right now? Why am I looking all around me thinking "WHY".
Oh....
It suddenly hit me that I am not jealous really, it's grief.
Grief for the person I never became, grief for lots of choices I made, grief for the open trusting child I started out as.
Ultimately....I gotta let go of the illusion that things "could have been different."
They simply are as they are.
I thought this might be a super long blog where I tried to explain myself...but...it's not...it is just as it needs to be too.
I have a lovely life~ smart, caring, challenging friends, lots of love...the gentle supportive kind, I could go on...but as this meme above says....just breathing in and taking it in~means the list is truly endless.
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