Art? Artist?

So back in the before times, when reality shows were new...I loved Queer Eye.  When this reboot happened I was skeptical. The first season was a little wonky...but I feel like they worked out the bumps and frankly, I really like it.

Emery and I discuss which of the folks on the show scare us the most...like who are you intimidated by or who would you be scared that they would look at you and say , "oh  my I can't help you."  Ha.  Emery is intimidated by Tan....Me~Karamo.  Frankly Tan for me a little too, cause....he's so beautiful and I have never been much of a dresser...

If I am gonna be honest...it is a deep dark secret of mine that I would love to be on one of these kinds of make over shows....that's part of why I watch some of them....oh to have Nate & Jeremiah redo my house...SWOOOOOON.

I mean...I never would....but it is this fun fantasy as I watch.

Then I watched this final episode of season five.

 Queer Eye Episode

 I put the link in there just in case you are interested...but super short version...Reggie, a musician, was on the verge of some big shit in his career..opening for some huge artists....then, well...covid....

And...he just can't any more.  I mean he helps other artists, but his own work? Not so much...he just feels like...."well, my shot was right there and due to things way out of my control....they are gone and well...maybe that is MY sign that it isn't meant to be and I am done."

To say that I felt this....that this hurt to watch...oh boy.  Now I was no where near what this man was doing in terms of commercial success....but the end of 2019....Rod and I had produced the show...in March of 2020, it got accepted into a festival in NYC.  The day that happened...the day we got that acceptance...I knew, I knew that was my one and only shot to ever perform in NYC and I cried. Well, we all know how THAT year ended up being for theater.  

We had been told we'd be notified and given preference for 2021, but we never were...

The app was up for 2022.....and all I think is, well, it was a moment in time. The time is gone...just let go.  But in the mean time I have spent 2 years doing virtual auditions, which I clearly am not very good at because has your girl been cast? 

no.

I know very well that many of you have heard me talk about not feeling like either an actor or an athlete and being both an athlete and artist.  So yeah...not new....but....this 2020~2022 feels different...like it does for everyone...

All I know is I felt this episode of this silly makeover show...more than is probably normal....even for me.