Trips and trip ups

Headed to Vegas tomorrow.  No, no, it's not one of those debauchery trips.  Honestly, I am not a fan of Vegas at all....but that's the home of the event I am headed to, so there ya go.

I have been looking at the hotel an I may just spring for a massage.  Though, massages by people I don't know and who don't know my neck scare me a little.  But I have found that I can actually say, "don't touch my fucking neck."  Well, you know me, I'd say it nicer than that, but you get the idea.

I am still struggling to remember exactly what I thought I might get out of the event...you know, there is this thing swirling around me about "getting my shit together."  I posted a stupid thing on FB recently about that....I am 51...this IS me with my shit together.  HA.  I remember years ago, friends who were a bit older than me saying things like, oh wait til your 50...things change....you don't give a shit what people think....you won't care so much about body image...you'll come into yourself.

Well.

No.

I missed that milestone too.

I mean, I do feel more settled in myself, but that has very little to do with age and more to do with work and freeing myself from damaging relationships....

But as for the rest, no....

In fact, since this is my blog after all, I am super duper struggling with body stuff right now. I had a series of things happen this year; health crap, weird family crap...that have shown me just how far I am from being comfortable with myself.

Sooooo, what did I turn to yet again?

Yup. Food....sweets....

So, I am not just a chubby masters athlete...I am a super chubby masters athlete. And Yes....I should focus on performance goals.  But the chubby and the self loathing keeps me from that focus. 

So no....turning 50 wasn't this magic demarcation.

Only thing that is magic is the fucking work I need to put in....

Yup, stuck myself in a cage of my own making again (yes that's a tad dramatic) but at least I know I did this myself and I know it's mine to get out of too.

So, off to an event that may just help kick me in the ass and show me some new keys or saws or dynamite to use on this cage to start my summer off right.

As for today, max set of 10 back squat...ew....and I'll be staring at my mail box as I wait for an application to my favorite game....oh and I need to pack....OH and go see a show tonight.

Rod is in Tartuffe at the Adobe Theater in ABQ....


Thanks for reading and thanks for putting up with my continued crap.

50....magic my ass....

At least Grant thinks my ass...is magic.... 😆