Some rambling.

I keep telling myself I will write more often and then life keeps pushing on.  Then I get to a day like today and I have like 15 things I want to talk about, so it all comes out in a jumbled mess. Single gooey messy sentences.

Training:  I've been training.

Ok kidding.  Well I HAVE been.  Last week was rough. I have gotten a bunch of sorta bad news about my health and I am trying to sort through how to deal with it all...tackle it.

Then I go for a follow up with the doc today and she's not even that worried about the things I was worried about, she's concerned that I have reduced kidney function.

Great add that to the list.

I am still waiting on an MRI for my neck...talk about an insurance company/health care crap show.

Here is a tip if you live in Santa Fe, go to ABQ for an MRI...they are about 1500 dollars cheaper down there....

I have been lonely and frustrated in the gym.  I know, I am a HUGE baby....waaaaa..... Monday was terrible last week....I walked in cranky (about the MRI and the cracked damn tooth) and I walked out cranky with myself because I did stupid shit.  I made these big dumb jumps in weight and then was shocked, I say shocked I couldn't handle it.

😆

My pity party game was strong that day.

I have thrown the 28 a couple of times since I wrote last.  It isn't nearly as bad as I had feared. I mean, it doesn't go very far...like 32 feet for the WFD and I think I cleared 13 on the WOB yesterday...but I didn't feel like death after.

I am still gaining weight too..it's...annoying.  But, I also have put an inch on my bicep measurement....so....I don't know.  I had this thought after all these tests and problems that I suddenly feel like I have been focusing on the wrong things.

I don't know when in this journey since 2010 that I decided I would focus on "strong" and I let go of CrossFit.  Not that I could or want to go back to CrossFit...but there is or was this singular focus on strong.  I mean, even when I was hardly working out...I could still act like I was doing SOMETHING. Yes, it was always one of my "strong points" when I started working out, but.....I dunno.  I am just bummed about my blood work and my neck and....yeah.  (I warned you I was about to ramble, read at your own risk)  Maybe though, I should have focused just on all my numbers...my health....being at a healthier weight...Maybe this whole drive to try to be an athlete after 40+ years on the couch sent me down a funky path.....Blah Blah, and boo-hoo...

Well, what's the take away here... got me...you got any ideas, cause I am freaking out of them. My doc is taking a wait and see thing....I have to "push water" this month, and try some herbal crap and we will retest my kidneys in a month, my other blood work in 3 - 6 months. Although she did say, given my family trait of high cholesterol, not much will help; she just wants to see if we can boost the good stuff.

 I had wanted to pull some of the irons out of my fire, but I am not really doing it...I seem to be adding to my lists.

There is something I am both terrified and almost excited about though..that writing project I have told you about is taking a tentative step forward.  At the behest of a friend...I am being forced (kidding) into having a reading.  Sorta as way to see what we have, if this is something to keep working on, or if it was a good thing to do just for me.  I am so grateful for the work I have done with Rod...and I look forward to working on prepping this for the reading at the end of the month too.  Not sure what we will do to prep, but I can't believe I have writing anything in the first place, much less showing it to Rod, much less working on it, or reading to for a small group....(seriously 5-6 people).

Ok, there weren't 15 things to chat about, but it did ramble nicely.....