post meet updates..

So this weekend I participated in my first powerlifting competition.  I have been looking forward to as well as sorta scared of this for some time.

So...how did it go?

eh.

well, maybe EH....

Y'all know I came to an "athletic life" kinda late...mid 40's....not as late as some I know, but still sorta late. So...competition...why do I do it?  Well, it IS similar to performing...I've written about that A LOT.  I know why I like Celtic games...Powerlifting, well...not so much. At least after this one.  I get it, it is empowering...I love following the women I follow on Instagram and stuff.

Part of it was the atmosphere. 

And let me say up front...this is MY ISSUE....I am not judging or telling anyone else how to be in the world of competition.  Ok?  Ok...

I love putting the work in, I love intensity...I do.  But I just could not wrap my middle aged brain around the negativity....I asked my friend Chris, "WHy isn't anyone happy when they are coming off the platform?"  Someone behind me answered..."they are probably about to pass out."  Ok fair enough....

I get it...I can be annoying as fuck....I laugh too much, I make fun of myself, and I suppose there are people who think I don't care or who I annoy because I am loud and goofy and, well, stupidly annoying.

I figured something out yesterday...I know I am all those things.  I do try to take it more seriously, I mean I do...but I still have this joy about it that oozes out in annoying ways to real athletes.  I realized what it was though, when I woke up on Monday and my hand was numb...my arm was numb all the way up my forearm.

It is the fear.

I always joke in the face of fear, coping mechanism...when I started working out in 2010 (I think) I was also told by a doctor that my neck was in such bad shape, that:

1. I should stop working out.
2. That I needed to get used to being on a bunch of anti inflammatory drugs.
3. that I had 10-15 years before I'd be in a wheelchair.

I know now she was full of shit...and that I don't really believe that diagnosis...I got tons of help in other places and I know know know it's bullshit. Even my current doc says so....

BUT.

Well...it was said...it rings in my brain. Especially when I am hurting....Especially when I have numbness...and here I am...almost 7 years later...and I get this count down clock going my my brain some days.

I think that is why I am annoying as well...perhaps it is the piece of me that is silently saying to that Dr..."Fuck you I move fine." or perhaps it is me celebrating moving at all. I still fear that my time is short and I'll be damned if I wanna spend it in rooms or on fields with people who find me annoying because they have decided I'm not serious enough for the sport.  I appreciate their focus and intensity....but I get it....perhaps I get in the way of their focus.

So..I dunno, I am rambling....

here is a cat: