cut me some fucking slack....

Took Emery to a concert this weekend...It was a long hot, mildly stressful drive.  I left on Friday, knowing I had a huge test on Tuesday.  Stayed up too late Friday after the drive.  But I was studying.  Saw Megan and Kegan for dinner...and yeah, I bought them some groceries too.  Met Emery's friend Emma and her Mom.  They seem pretty nice...then lots and lots more travel.

At one point with a pillow on my lap, study materials on my lap, I looked up.  Caught myself in the mirror.  Y'all know my shit relationship to mirrors.  I've been feeling pretty ok about my body lately...mostly due to Grant and lots of strength work in the gym. I'm thinking I kinda look like this:

Beautiful, isn't she?

I mean...I am passed wanting to look like this....long past:

But, I looked in the mirror and saw this:

HA....All I thought was, Dang, my head is too small for my body.....puffy-small head- I'm a fucking Mountain Troll....I laughed!

Oh well....I will probably never make peace with this crap....but I can laugh at it.


SOOOOOOOOO  I took my test on Tuesday.  I passed! 

It was so weird....I have never taken a computer test before.  They actually wand you before you go in...pat you down too.  I know people cheat, but I still don't get it.  If I didn't prepare, that's on me. So...I took a deep breath...I finished the first part in about 2 hours....I felt ok.  You can flag questions you want to recheck, well you can recheck them all, but I decided I would NOT do that. Too many chances to second guess yourself.

I took a break, sat at a coffee shop for a half hour and went back to it. 

The second part was harder.  I really figured I failed it. 

I did the same thing though, I only checked the questions I had flagged.  Then the button came up.

DO YOU WANT TO SUBMIT EXAM?

Um...no...but do I have a choice.

Now, I know this is quick, people used to wait weeks for a letter in the mail...but a screen pops up...dammit, some stupid disclaimer I didn't care about.   Click again....wait.  I tell myself I will need to take some time in the car to write down what I struggled with...then it pops up.

92.

huh?

92.

I fucking teared up.

There was more riding on this than I care to admit...so much time either studying or feeling guilty I didn't study...and as some of my friends can attest to...lots of time feeling stupid.

So..I go back to work Wednesday and get a call from the registration folks...letting me know the paperwork that needs to be done...congrats too, then, "When are you scheduling the next test?"

Huh?

You aren't done...you have to take the 66 as soon as possible.

Oh...(instant deflation)


So~I decided~Monday...I'll start this next process on Monday...for now I will actually be happy I got through this math & regulation intensive test...then....back to the books.

Dammit....I was hoping to focus on different numbers....like my bench.