Ghosts

Soooooooo......

I had a weird birthday....

anyhoo...I turned 48, not a milestone year, I know...but in my family...it approaches the age my Dad passed.  I remember very clearly my sister Pat turning 48....I am glad I saw here go through it...helped her though some of it too.  I remember the battery of tests...the jumpy quality of the year in terms of health.

Well...here I am. I have thought about it ahead of time, but I find myself feeling the same things my sister did.

Especially when it comes to my back. He had a rare spinal cord cancer.

Funny how these things settle into your deep brain...I remember a moment when my Dad was laying on the bed and my Mom pointed out to him that his ass looked weird....that one butt cheek was higher than the other. I have vague memories of him having back pain...all the time.

Now, no one has said anything about my ass being uneven...but I have those moments of pain and I go.."oh my...is that..."  no it isn't....In fact I have less low back pain than I did 6 or 7 years ago.  I think I may avoid the battery of tests since I understand what this feeling is....and frankly, if it is...or if it comes, it comes.

Treatment is very different now than it was in the 70's!

Approaching the age of the death of a parent is interesting...


I know it is much more useful to focus on the health issues that I can impact....like my weight....like anxiety and sleeplessness....like working out.


So....I guess I can use this time to hit the gym and hit my plate instead of hitting the doctors.


And....I miss him right now, even though, well....I really didn't know him at all.