Feelings...ugh.

Monday:

A max 10 rep back squat.

and 5x3 jerks.

and other stuff too.

Um, 10 rep max? That sucks.  ew.  ew.  ew.

I asked Will for some guidance.  He suggested trying 80% of 1 rep max.  Which would have been 275.  So...I look at the % chart and decide to try for something between 60% and 80%.  205-275. Will also let me know the best way to warm up for such a task.

I did NOT get to 275....I loaded 220....got them done....sweating and pushing and cursing....but I did it.   Man that sucked.

I ended up going light on the jerks...pull ups getting easier though.

Tuesday:

Warmed up and threw...not much, not much.  I am hurting.  My neck is wacky. Shoulder...blurgh.

Frankly....I'm sad.

There it is.

My son is leaving for school on Saturday.  Vivi goes back to school on Monday.

I can't even form words about how I feel about all of that right now.  I only have one thought.  I have only been in my own little place for a month and a half.  It feels like everything is starting to settle out, separate, get organized, come in to some sort of focus.

and.  I.  am. sad.

even though I am happier.....see...how the hell can I write about that?  hahaha.

Today:

I went at noon.  So, right now at Zia they are going though a "testing" phase.  It is very cool to see the work people are putting in, how the pr's are blowing up.  As I was watching everyone workout, I had a moment when I realized that I really don't work out any more.  And it made me smile.

Power clean & jerk  5x2  105
Push press                5x3  105
Sinle leg box jumps  5x5
DB curls                   3x8  35

Funny story about the dumbell curls...two weeks ago I had the curls in my workout, but the class also had a something they were doing with dumbells.  When I went to grab my 25 pounders....they were gone....uh oh...no 30s either.  Only the 35.  Sigh...I can't lift that. The choices were to skip the curls or just do as many as I could.

So, I did what I could, which turned out to be all 3 sets of 8.  It was hard for me, but there I was again, thinking I couldn't do something when I could.  So, well, I couldn't go back now, could I?

So 35 it is.....It's still hard, and I make waaaay too much noise when I lift. 

In other life sorts of news...I am reading a play that I might do and I am gonna be part of a poetry reading....more on that later...'cause the poetry reading is gonna be cool.  Part of a premiere of a movie about the life of Jimmy Santiago Baca

A Daily Joy to Be Alive

No matter how serene things
may be in my life,
how well things are going,
my body and soul
are two cliff peaks
from which a dream of who I can be
falls, and I must learn
to fly again each day,
or die.

Death draws respect
and fear from the living.
Death offers
no false starts. It is not
a referee with a pop-gun
at the startling
of a hundred yard dash.

I do not live to retrieve
or multiply what my father lost
or gained.

I continually find myself in the ruins
of new beginnings,
uncoiling the rope of my life
to descend ever deeper into unknown abysses,
tying my heart into a knot
round a tree or boulder,
to insure I have something that will hold me,
that will not let me fall.

My heart has many thorn-studded slits of flame
springing from the red candle jars.
My dreams flicker and twist
on the altar of this earth,
light wrestling with darkness,
light radiating into darkness,
to widen my day blue,
and all that is wax melts
in the flame-

I can see treetops!

Jimmy Santiago Baca