friday....dreams

Matched a "I used to be strong" PR on the front squat today.

265

I am pooped.

and yeah...I freaking wet my pants. 

sigh.

At this rate perhaps I will make a new pr on something.

Did the rest of the workout too...

can't

feel

my

arms.


Max Pullups, one set (with a band)
then
5 Rounds for time:
5 Ring Dips
10 Pushups
Handstand Walk down (right...Or hold a hand stand for 30 seconds....I could not even get on the wall...but I did 5 attempts each round. I hate losing a skill)


I tried to write down a dream I had recently...but I can't really write....but I wanted to post it anyway.



There is a horse....she is really a beautiful horse....large draft style horse.  She was left alone without a herd....but she loves a lake.  Green, verdant, comforting.

One day she finds another.  He is not a draft horse, he is much smaller...maybe a mustang.  She's never had met a horse like this before, so she is willing to do anything to make him happy.  At first it seems like he wants the same...then one day her mate asks why she needs so much water. She doesn't think much of it, but she wants her mate to be happy, so she cuts back on her trips to the lake and runs the dry plains.   She is a little unsettled about withdrawing from water...she tries to make herself the size of a mustang so maybe she can learn to live without.  He says it isn't really necessary after all and he is her mate....

She finds herself very thirsty, but takes the suggestion that she is being greedy or maybe even selfish for wanting so much water.

After years and years she has trained herself to no longer feel the pull of her thirst.  After all, she wants to be happy and many say water is just a minor thing, it isn't really essential to their lives in the herd.

Years away from the lake, from the cooling water, the fresh grasses, take its toll.  The mare feels anxious, sad, needy even.  The water, the lake is right in front of her, but the stallion nips at her....reminds her she can do without if she only wants to, if she only loved him enough she would be willing to sacrifice the lake.

After years, the mare finds herself alone at the lake, wanting to drink....sometimes even placing her muzzle in the water and crying into the lake.  Something, perhaps the wind, whispers to her that it is not selfish to drink, that she needs the water to be strong...to be herself. She always shakes off the voice of the wind and accepts the word of the mustang  as truth.  After years of tears, another horse shows up on the other side of the lake, silently placing its muzzle in the water. The mare cannot tell if the other horse is drinking or not, or if they too, are afraid to drink...if they too are forbidden to drink.

After years of watching the horse across the lake, after years of silence, they eventually move closer to one another.  Not speaking, just standing by the water, occasionally placing their muzzles in the water...never drinking.

On a quiet day, the horse across the lake looks at the mare and says, why don't you drink?

"I don't need to," the mare snorts.

"Neither do I, at least that's what I've been told."

"I used to drink water from the lake....I miss it so."

They look at one another and without a word, decide to try the water.

As you can imagine, all hell breaks loose.....this lake water? Dangerous, frivolous, selfish, selfish, selfish....

But these two draft horses? Did I mention the horse across the lake was also a draft horse?  After they taste this water, this lake....something awakens. The horse across the lake realizes before the mare does that the lake doesn't just taste good, but he needs it.  The lake water heals.  He tries to explain this to the mare....

She knows he is right, but she has been away from the lake for so long she cannot hear his reasoning...she cannot hear the truth.  Being at the lake isn't selfish....she is dying without the lake.

 Water.....they need it to survive...no, they need it to live....to be alive.

She is so afraid, she flees the lake.....runs back to the small....to the confines of what the mustang demands. The mare thrashes from dehydration.  The small bits of water make her head hurt.  She knows.....she knows what she needs, but the familiar voice of the mustang holds her.

"It's nothing....it's just the lake, it's just water...that isn't really an important part of your life....you are selfish....you are greedy....you are....wrong."

Something about being told she was wrong stung....the wind screamed at her this time....she ran back to the lake.

Drank.

Drank.

Drank.

She thought she would feel...satisfied, but she felt selfish and greedy....even so, a small part of her knew there was more than she understood, more than she had been told.

The horse across the lake saw the mare struggling and even though he was unsure said to her, "it's alright, you feel strong again; I do, don't you?"

The mare struggled to drink without choking.  Water is essential, but, but.....she doesn't know how to feel any more.

Perhaps the mare came too late to the lake....perhaps the mare will die, she will die from not coming to the lake soon enough, or die from drinking too fast once she is here, or die from simply knowing that she listened to the lies instead of herself, or die from not even knowing how to drink anymore.

Or maybe she will grow into the draft horse she was always meant to be, along side the horse across the lake.