papers...

A fundraising update....I have 19 days left and I need 251 dollars.  Crazy huh?

Big thanks to another anonymous gift
Sheila Beuler
Hersch Wilson
Kristin Muchmore

I know it's been up and out there a while, but if y'all can share it again....  push me over the top.

I missed Monday's workout....rough day...I was afraid I'd hurt myself.  I did (almost) double the work yesterday.

5x3 Back Squats 235  These felt stupid heavy, but because I skipped Monday, I got to lift with Will.  I really love having him watch and encourage me.
5x3 Bench Press  85  Ok I know that is light, but it is the heaviest I have been able to BP since I injured my shoulder...so that is something.  AND the shoulder doesn't hurt today.

I also did a bunch of throwing drills...I am getting much more consistent staying on a straight line with the Weight for Distance foot work...like 6 turns in a line sometimes.  Well, like the bench press...it's good for me.




I work in a very paperwork heavy office.  We are required to maintain old client files for 7 years after a client has left.  So, every year on or about January 1st I go into the secured section of the office and pull out the bankers boxes of old files.  I have always sorta enjoyed this process....pulling apart files....seeing what people once owned....seeing how long they were clients....saving file folders.....having a little pile of paper clips on my desk to show the progress...then finally the shredding.

I know I am weird, but I like the finality of shredding.  It's a task, it's doable, it's done. 

The longer I work here, the more knowledge I have of files I am currently shredding.  I have been working at this same little desk for about 13 years now after all.  Time is weird, well, how I mark it is weird...the first markers I have are, "what grade were the kids in when that happened?"  The second?  "What show was I working on when that happened?"  I have these files too....

This year was especially interesting. As I was pulling certain files, I realized that seven years ago or so, we had 3 clients leave the office because, well, they died.  Sorting through the papers I inevitably come across this beautiful blue and gold embossed piece of paper.  It really is lovely. 

For each one who left us that year, I run the tips of my fingers across the seal of the State of New Mexico.  I look and remind myself just how they died....looking at that tiny space on this beautiful document that sums up this person's battle.  I look once again at the name, remembering the last time they were in the office, or the last time I spoke with them on the phone, and in one case the phone call from a partner, in deep shock, telling me in ghostly tones, that she was gone.

She was gone.

All I have left of her is this piece of paper.  This document that lists a start date and an end date. This beautiful piece of paper that I then let slip through my fingers and shred. 

We often send the shredding to a company that does that sort of thing...but I always shred the Death Certificates myself. Beautiful blues and golds into thin strips of paper....that's all I will be some day as well.  That is what we are reduced to in the end; well, at least in the eyes of the state.

I could not help but think of this as I held my divorce paper work on Monday.

A life together came down to:

7 signatures
42 pages
2 envelopes