waiting....

Well...

Vegas is this weekend.  I shall be missing it.  I am sort of picking and choosing which doctor to listen to when.  My GP said nothing for a month...but the Cardiologist had other ideas.  The main reason at this point for missing these games?

I still don't have the tests back.

Ok...let look at the tests shall we?

Cardiac enzymes...normal
Clotting indicators....normal
Muscle enzyme....normal
anemic........not even
dehydration..........a little bit
Thyroid...........Normal
Adrenal Gland....normal

Echo....normal.

See a pattern here?  Ah nothing wrong with me I suppose. I am still waiting for one more...the results of the monitor. Hopefully I will have that by Friday.

So, should I have gone? Nope...I am still too stressed by all of this. If the monitor thing comes back fine, I am going to Iron Thistle. See how it goes.  I still don't feel like....me.I the mean time, I am down to about a half a cup of coffee in the morning...no booze...drinking camomile/lavender tea like a fool....and I am just sorts jumpy about my pulse.

The weirdest thing about the cardiologist? All of the staff were obese.  Now, I know how that sounds...look, I am a big girl...so I feel like I am sensitive to what is a little chubby, a bit big, and obese. I have to admit, I was a little shocked~it is the Heart Institute for christ sake...sorry...yeah...being all judggy.

Then I get in to the little room...and I find my self feeling defensive as the Medical Assistant was taking my info...my favorite question?  "Do you avoid salt and fat?" I looked at her and said...salt....when I am left alone...I have this conversation going on in my tiny brain:

I bet this guy is gonna tell me I am fat.
If he tells me I have to start running, I'll scream.
I bet I'll have to defend weightlifting.
If he "looks" like a marathon runner...I am outta here.

Yeah...all before I see this guy.  He comes in...and he looks like a guy....fit, but bigger.  I feel kinda like a jerk.  He asks me the same fucking questions the MA just asked...then he asks what I do to work out.  And I feel like more of a jerk...he is supportive and sorta intrigued by what I do.  He also tells me...keep working out.

Oh well....I jumped to this place of defending what I do, who I am because I feel sick I guess.  Who knows.

As for today...it is a rest day.  I am gonna really rest too. Even though I know I bitch about not throwing enough...I won't throw either.

And I'll wait....and probably be told nothing is wrong...again...which is good....but....sigh.